My ambition to become a scholar had been very great, and when I pondered over my disappointed hopes, and the thought that I was to be an invalid for life, I was unreconciled to my lot and at times murmured against the providence of God in thus afflicting me. Had I opened my mind to my mother, she might have instructed, soothed, and encouraged me; but I concealed my troubled feelings from my family and friends, fearing that they could not understand me. The happy confidence in my Saviour’s love that I had enjoyed during my illness was gone. My prospect of worldly enjoyment was blighted, and heaven seemed closed against me. {1T 13.3}

Mit ønske om at få en uddannelse havde været meget stort, og da jeg grundede over mit skuffede håb og tanken om, at jeg ville være invalid resten af livet, var jeg ikke forsonet med min skæbne, og til tider knurrede jeg mod Guds forsyn i således at plage mig. Havde jeg betroet mig til min mor, kunne hun måske have belært, beroliget og opmuntret mig; men jeg skjulte mine foruroligede følelser for min familie og mine venner af frygt for, at de ikke kunne forstå mig. Den lykkelige tillid til min Frelsers kærlighed, som jeg havde nydt, da jeg var syg, var forsvundet. Min fremtidsudsigt til verdslig glæde var ødelagt, og himmelen syntes at være lukket for mig.