I coveted death as a release from the responsibilities that were crowding upon me. At length the sweet peace I had so long enjoyed left me, and despair again pressed upon my soul. My prayers all seemed vain, and my faith was gone. Words of comfort, reproof, or encouragement were alike to me; for it seemed that no one could understand me but God, and He had forsaken me. The company of believers in Portland were ignorant concerning the exercises of my mind that had brought me into this state of despondency; but they knew that for some reason my mind had become depressed, and they felt that this was sinful on my part, considering the gracious manner in which the Lord had manifested Himself to me. {1T 63.3}

Jeg eftertragtede døden som en befrielse fra de ansvar, som betyngede mig. Til sidst forlod den dejlige fred, jeg så længe havde nydt, mig, og fortvivlelse trængte sig igen ind på min sjæl. Mine bønner forekom at være nyttesløse, og min tro var forsvundet. Trøstende, irettesættende og opmuntrende ord var det samme for mig; for det forekom mig, at ingen anden end Gud kunne forstå mig, og han havde forladt mig. De troende i Portland var uvidende om de sindsbevægelser, som havde bragt mig i denne fortvivlede tilstand; men de vidste, at af en eller anden grund var mit sind blevet nedtrykt, og de følte, (64) at det var syndigt af mig, når man tog den nådige måde, hvorpå Herren havde vist sig for mig, i betragtning.